An interesting creature, the human animal. I never cease to wonder at what drives each one because surely each individual is just that, an individual with his or her own unique character idiosyncrasies and qualities. Their very own ghosts, demons dreams and fantasies drive each of them to whatever or wherever it is that they think they should be. And yet despite all that there are disturbingly large similarities within the range, particularly within a certain grouping known as the fly-fishing type.
There is great potential for confusion within this assemblage. A huge variety of labels can be applied to this crew, such as enthusiast, fanatic, berserker, maniac, to cite but a small sample of the many descriptions that readily come to mind. The Flyphishius species offers an immense, multi-faceted field to investigate, admire, praise, milk, curse, or even avoid. There are also many sub-species, which multiply and proliferate spreading with frightening speed. As with the flu, the Fly fishing bugs manage to infect most of the unfortunates with whom they come into contact with almost unbelievable piscatorial enthusiasm. So, wherever there is water, with the possible exception of the kind to be found in maturation ponds at a sewage works, they are likely to appear.
In no particular order of merit, or even preference, I would like to focus your attention on a selection of members of the species that have passed through the Highlands of the Eastern Cape the over past decade;
- The “arm-chair aficionado” (Flyphishius armcharia): can cite chapter and verse, the qualities of a particular rod, reel, line, fishing venue (or whatever, for that matter), based purely on what they appear to do best: sit, stay, read, memorise almost photographically and subsequently pontificate.
- The gadget freak ( gadgetarius): It is a well-known phenomenon that, once one is caught up in the fishing-thing, and even if you may not catch many, or even any, fish, you are guaranteed of becoming an inveterate gadget freak. G.F’s abound, together with several sub-species. For example, there is the “read-or-heard-about-it, must have–the-label-to-display” (Flyphishius gadgetarius labelius). This strain is generally found at fishing venues that they believe to be on a par with their perceived station in life. Such spots are invariably close to the bright lights, and some are akin to dairy parlours, where fat-cats are easily milked. With a natural flair or years of practice, the parlour operators stroke the egos of this strain to the extent that the cats enjoy the sensation and return time and again, like good old farmyard bovines (to mix a metaphor or two). Once in a while the labelius strain will stray from their usual haunts, beguiled by words woven by authors and note describing my next of of the woods. They appear in a cloud of dust, complaining about the distance they have had to travel to “make it to Mecca.” A cold beer, a word of welcome and some fishing talk soon calms them down sufficiently to where they can look around and enjoy magnificent scenery and tinkling streams.
- While on the topic of distance, one also finds yet another variation of the gadget-freak: the “mad-about-my-4x4 (Flyphishius gadgetaria 4x4-neverbinofftarsia) strain. Now, by definition, this is a very rare bird in our parts, similar to labelius but more ostentatious, judging by the size of the gadget. The shinier the car, the better it is, even though it has never been tested off a tar road. More to the point, g. 4x4-neverbinofftarsia mostly haven’t the vaguest idea as to the purpose of the second, shorter gear lever in their car; but in their favour, they have at least had the inspiration to pay us a visit.
- There are also the gadget-freaks who firmly believe that the more gadgets they have, the better they will be able to actually catch a fish (Flyphishius gadgettia utilisia). Now this is true up to a point, and well may you think that a little bit of the green-envy thing is confusing me – so we won’t go there. Suffice it to say that these are of the more estimable members of the fellowship, as they at least make use of most of their gadgets, albeit only form time to time. But more importantly, this genera makes tackle suppliers rush to their aid whenever they make their entrance into an equipment emporium, which is also good, as the average modern sale-folk invariably appear to be in need of exercise.
- Then the course there are the die-hards (Flyphishius diehardia ancienthistoria) who insist that a rod that appeared shortly after the split-cane industry became yet another victim of technological advances and is still as good as anything else on the market today, in the year 2000. D. Well if that’s what makes them happy and they can catch fish with it, then it’s absolutely find with me.
- Yet another type of the die-hard strain are those that apparently work themselves into such a state in the bright lights (Flyhishius diehardiavorkaholicea), that by the time they “make it to Mecca,” they are so wound up that they take three days to come off their urban high. Sadly for them, by then it is invariably time to pack up and go home. On arrival, they insist on getting up before the crack of dawn. They stomp about and wake the entire household irrespective of other residents being fly fishers or not. Having done so, they go off to fish, only to find that retrieving becomes more and more difficult as the water freezes in their line guides. Their fingers cool down pretty quickly and the rest of their bodies gradually follow suit, but then the macho thing promptly kicks in, which phenomenon obliges then to stay on (and sometimes in) the water until hypothermia is imminent. Fortunately common sense prevails before the host has to deal with a family bereft of its breadwinner.
- Passing judgement is a risky pastime, but by their own actions it would seem that the majority of fly fishers are aspirant AA members, and that’s not the Automobile Association. This subspecies is referred to as Flyphishius thirstia thanawlia, which is of particular danger to itself because of its determination to demonstrate it’s prowess by drinking the rest under the table, invariably underestimating the capabilities of the company present and succumbing (to the fresh mountain air). Some survivors have the grace to apologise the following day.
- Then we have Flyphishius thirstia smoothiinyohbrooksia who specialise in surreptitiously working on their companies’ rate of consumption whilst successfully concealing their own, after which they move in on any female company and draw them into the trap, plying them with copious amounts of alcohol. The end result hardly needs an explanation for any but the very doff. Well, fishing friends are no longer necessarily friends thereafter.
- Then we get the more common sub-species, the “bulsh-buff” (Flyphishius bullshitteria). This type needs absolutely no describing, being found throughout the world and definitely not limited to the ranks of the fly-fishing fraternity (oops, not the correct word… sorority perhaps?) No, wrong again, in this age of gender sensitivity. Fellowship maybe?
- Another variation is the type that fishes on its own (Fliphyshius bullshitteria secretivius). This strain invariably catches the most and the biggest fish, but the fish are never seen by fellow anglers, Nor do any photographs of these fish ever seem to be taken.
- Also in this genus are found the Fliphyshius bullshitteria peacockia. Now this is funny (peculiar) bird indeed. He struts about fishy places dressed in “the gear”, complete with fly-fishing vest which has the mandatory multitude of pockets but which have never been filled with any fishing-related gadgets. At worst, a pocket may be graced with the presence of a Zippo, or even a Dunghill, lighter and smokes. At best, a hip flask, but which is more than likely empty anyway.
The examples described above are but an introduction to this genus of fascinating animals. Exploration and research continue and new species and sub-species are coming to light almost daily. Watch this space.
Editor’s note: First published in “The Fishing Journal” in 2000. The editor, Bruce Truter, kindly rewarded the author with a cheque of R35,00 but which was never banked.